Meet the 2016 Swamis

For the 2016-17 season of the SFL we have 10 players; a fitting number for our 10th season in the quest for pick’em greatness.  For those who’ve played before, you know the difficulty and despair of trying to successfully pick every game throughout the season.  For those who are new, you may be asking “How hard can it be?”

Many have tried and many have lost.  Sure, there have ben a few select players to waltz the f#ck in and win the championship on their very first try. It’s maddening.  But to be sure, those who have done so have followed it up by having miserable 2nd seasons, prompting these first-year geniuses to exclaim “WTF!!?” and “The NFL is fixed!!!” among other exclamations of frustration. To others, it’s a journey to the title that takes years.  For any football fan, it makes just about every game interesting, and if you love football, you’ll love it even more.  Plus, you get a giant glorious trophy and get to boast about your greatness for the next 12 months.  No bad.  Not bad at all.

We’ve seen a lot of great moments since the 2007 season; Mark Newberg’s wire-to-wire triumphs of 2007 and 2013, Ivan Soto’s come-from-behind victory on the very last day of 2008 and his repeat in 2009, Mike Boracci being the first rookie to win it all (and knowing almost nothing about football) in 2011 in the first Swami Bowl, and Holly Stewart in crowned as the first female Swami Champion back in 2012.

The 2016-17 season could be one of the greatest seasons of play ever, so here’s a brief look at the Swami participants for Season 10:

Mark Newberg “The Noob”

Swami Titles: 2 (2010, 2013), Favorite Team: Miami Dolphins

Newberg has been in this thing forever. Before there was this Swami League, he was part of what started it all. A few guys lumped together to pick games and talk smack, and the rest is history.  As a Dolphins fan, he has suffered through decades of no championships on the field, but has celebrated 2 Swami League Championships and another before the “expansion era”. He is the only player to go the entire length of a season in 1st place, winning Swami wire-to-wire…and he did it twice! (in 2007 and 2013). He is the creator of many “systems” in picking games, but only one was worthy enough of being locked away along with the secret recipe to Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Did I mention he loves KFC? He does.

Holly Stewart “Queen Swami”

Swami Titles: 2 (2012, 2015: Current Swami), Favorite Team: Buffalo Bills

What can I say? She has shocked the world…twice. Her Bills can’t win the big one, but she’s got 2 titles and counting.  Holly was the first female to win Swami and it was a looooong year hearing about it every day.  We are living in the same mirth today, as she is the reigning champ.  No one knows how she does it: Lady Luck? Nah.  She loves her dogs, winning games, and talking smack.  She polishes her trophy with all of our tears.  She’s a mysterious force to be reckoned with.  Her father is extremely proud of her and reminds me every time I see him. If you ever meet Ray Stewart, he’ll remind ya.

Ken Brodsky “Left Side Ken”

Swami Titles: 0 (this is his 2nd season) Favorite Team: NY Jets

Ken is an avid Nascar fan, and with that comes a penchant for turning his wheel constantly to the left.  This also means he mostly his picks are on the left side of the pick sheet.  He goes for the favorites quite a bit, but it doesn’t mean he’s not a gambling man.  He finished a respectable 4th place in his rookie season and was in the thick of the race the entire season.  He’s married to a rock star and races cars, so right off the bat this guy is awesome.  He’s like Joe Namath and Dale Earnhardt wrapped into one.  He’s also a big fan of Aaron Rodgers.  Can’t blame him.

Guy Heath “The Heathen”

Swami Titles: 1 (2014), Favorite Team: Dallas Cowboys (America’s Team)

Hey that’s me.  All you need to know is that I love football. Too much. I love my Dallas Cowboys (also, too too much).  Living and dying with the ‘Boys is what I do best, and for the past twenty seasons, it’s been a rollercoaster.  I’ll write in the 3rd person to summarize the rest: Guy started playing in 2007 and didn’t win a title until his 8th season.  After many close finishes and mind-numbing losses, he finally became Swami in the 2014-15 season. It was the “Year of Redemption”.  Proud to finally be Swami and get that friggin’ nagging monkey off his back, he looks to be Swami once more this season.  He’s been to 3 straight Swami Bowls including last season where he was in first place for  straight 11 weeks, only to lose at the end to a girl.  So typical, so “Tony Romo-esque”.

Tim Noto “Prime-Time Timmy”

Swami Titles: 0 (this is his 2nd season), Favorite Team: NY Giants

Tim likes all of best teams (except the Giants).  He’s a big Islanders and Mets fan.  These, as we know, are the best kinds of people: loyal people, people of great character, trust-worthy and brave.  This is his second season, and he hopes he does better than last where he stared out like gangbusters then went up in flames like one of those malfunctioning hoverboards your kids harangued you into getting for them last winter.  Noto in Italian means “well known”, but oddly I don’t even know if he’s Italian.  Maybe it means he knows his stuff.  He does indeed know his football, he plays fantasy football and knows which side of the bed Eli manning sleeps on and what pregame meals Rashad Jennings eats.  He also knows how many fingers Jason Pierre Paul holds behind his back. Uncanny.

Joe Mendes “Joe-Jo” 

Swami Titles: 0 (this is his 2nd season), Favorite Team: NY Giants

Joe loves the Giants. He also loves the Patriots. Weird.  He may be the only person in America to like those 2 teams at the same time. All who know Joe know he’s a great guy that everyone likes immediately when you meet him. If he ran for president, he’d win in a landslide even if you didn’t know what his politics were.  He’d definitely be bipartisan, since he can be united with Tom Brady and Eli Manning.  They’ve both won Super Bowls, so I guess we can agree.  He was Rookie of the Year last season, coming in 3rd and competing for the title throughout 2015.  He recently had hip surgery due to years of “strutting his stuff”, naturally.  He’s recouping nicely with his eyes on the Swamiship this season.

Joe Sozio “Joe-So”

Swami Titles: (Rookie Season), Favorite Team: NY Giants

Another Joe, another Giants fan.  Neither of these guys are “Average Joes”, Mr. Sozio joins our league of football-mad misfits through our association with his cool & fun wife Catherine (aka Cynthia).  Joe is also a fun-loving dude who likes to RV and we look forward to getting to know him.  Hope he has a great time this year trying to become  the 3rd rookie to hoist the trophy.  I hear he can build things.  Maybe a trophy shelf is in your future.

Andy Cressman “Sixburgh”

Swami Titles: (Rookie Season), Favorite Team: Pittsburgh Steelers

Andy is an 8 foot-7 inch giant from Pennsylvania.  He loves football and every team that represents the city of Pittsburgh.  Yep, this guy breathes championships; the Penguins just won another Stanley Cup, and the Steelers are ranked in the teams that have Super Bowl aspirations.  Uh-oh, we have a rookie ringer.  Andy is a Fantasy Football guy, and knows his football well. Really well. We’ve got troubles, right here in River City.  He is built like Shaquille O’Neal and Ben Roethlisberger and might still be growing since even though some people say he’s nearing 30, others say he just may be a 14-year old German basketball player/exchange student.

Wayne Connor “The Captain”

Swami Titles: (Rookie Season), Favorite Team: NY Jets

Wayne is a renaissance man; a scuba diver, computer programmer, carpenter, father, grandfather, gamer and pool shark amongst many other things.  He is head of The Connors, a family that would climb Everest and then probably ride one of those big innertubes down it for kicks.  They’re a fun bunch, and what makes it even more exciting that we’ve got Wayne, is that we’ve got his wife Maureen too! Two Connors?  It’s “Go Time”! Wayne is the Captain of our billiards team, and also of our Fireball Team.  We’re getting better at both each season. In addition, he sports a great moustache that some say he shaves off every night and grows back full by morning.  How cool is that?

Maureen Connor “Mo”

Swami Titles: (Rookie Season), Favorite Team: Miami Dolphins

The matriarch of the above-mentioned Connors, Maureen is a big football fan who roots for the Dolphins.  This was a new discovery to us; for one, we just learned during the off-season that Wayne was a fan who was interested in joining our league.  Then just the other day, Wayne informed us that Maureen watches more football than he does! Ha! Awesome–so now we have have a second female participant and a second Dolphins fan! (Dan Marino has a lot of influence in this group.)  Her sons got her into football, and she was hooked.  She can thank them in her victory speech if she wins it all. Yikes–that means women can win this thing in consecutive years.  Look out boys!